Step up or shut up time.

I am on dilemma road now. I've been talking with the R. Reynolds looking guy and foreign guy most on match.com. So, RR guy is 39, DWM, and has said in his profile that he has a mortgage (and I assume he has a house and lives in it, instead of just paying for his ex's?). He also has a teenage son, a job doing about the same thing my ex does (how freakin' odd is that), and is absolutely hilarious. In his photos, he doesn't look like my type, and our music tastes are pretty much polar opposites. Although, in his favor he did mention he went to see Rent last night - do straight guys do that kind of thing willingly? I don't think that many... So, he's finally broached the topic of getting a drink this week. Now, I'm in a slight state of panic - I haven't dated in MORE THAN 12 YEARS! Wtf do you talk about on a match.com date? Where do you go? Should you bring friends? I am making myself more than a bit crazy thinking about it and haven't had the cajones to write him back and answer his question.

Foreign guy's last message to me seemed kind of dismissive as he said he'd get a hold of me when he got back in the country and that he was going to see if there really was an ABBA museum (since he's in Sweden and I brought up the creepy possibility). Not that either of us remotely likes ABBA (or at least he hasn't admitted it to me). Well, I sent him a response that was funny and just nonchalant like 'well let me know when you get back' with no 'let's get coffe, a drink, dinner' because I think I like the protective bubble of the internet on my dating life so far. Well, foreign guy wrote me today, sent me a link to the ABBA museum, and asked if I wanted something from the gift shop. This guy has totally got 'cute and thoughtful' cornered. He's also about the same age as RR, no kids, never been married (do you think there is something wrong with him? Possibly just picky?).

I also have been talking with a grad student from a nearby university, but I haven't written him back as his last email was rather odd. I'm not even sure I'd want to go out with him anytime soon for coffee as he seems super chatty and a bit on the socially inept side. Although, his photos don't look bad.

Here I am home by myself on a Saturday night. My big plans are to work on schoolwork, but it seems like reading a mystery novel and watching romantic movies on TV have taken over. Like a pinball rattling around my head, I've realized I have to cross the bridge and begin interacting in the real world with men on date-type activities. Dear god help me.

Popularity wanes, thoughts on personal grooming, and the anchorman is a real guy (on match.com).

I knew it was going to happen someday, I just didn't realize it was going to be only after a few days :( I've still been viewed about 450 times since I put this profile up and was winked at repeatedly by seriously ugly dudes, but today only about a quarter of the losers (or Loosers as our intrepid reporter "L" loves to say) bothered to contact me in any way. Maybe Thursday is a bad day for them? Maybe they just had much more time with the few days of bad weather and work cancellations earlier this week? No idea, but I'm tired and appreciated that they took a day off. It still didn't stop "The Ace Dude XO" from winking at me. He is my current lurpy (lurky+creepy) match. Not only does he lack a neck, but his hair is longer than mine and he's trying to use that as camoflage for his neckless condition! He's got a baby momma out there somewhere and added to the fact that one of his 'photos' is a charcoal drawing of himself only makes me want him more - well want him more for the organs I could sell on the black market...

I also have to share that Ron Burgundy aka the Anchorman aka Mister_Ious_One lives on Match.com. Don't believe me? Have a look for yourself. Resides in WV (no surprise there), likes nighttime gardening with gloves on in November, rockhounding, and likes fossilized varmints. I personally worry that he'd like to use me as fertilizer during his midnight gardening or possibly just add me to his collection of rocks and varmints. Also, he used the word schmaltzy, I have no fucking idea what the hell that means. Oh, a quick search of dictionary.com says it means excessively maudlin - seriously, who uses the word schmaltzy first of all and second of all who uses the word maudlin other than goth kids and Morrissey? Now, I feel kind of bad for pointing this guy out, especially since he did not bother me in anyway (other than ending up on my list of people who viewed me). Maybe his true love is out there? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

In concluding thoughts, today I also remembered what a furry bastard I am. I must have a long-lost Italian ancestor out there somewhere or something because I am dark haired and furry. At least being married I had to worry less about how often I plucked those eyebrows and checked nose hairs, ntm shaving and whatever... Now, don't get the idea I turned yeti and my hubby decided to leave me, 'cause that is indeed not the case. Instead, I think because I am now 'single' my body knows it and has decided I NEED more hair. Today's surprise was that I plucked my eyebrows two days ago with a good magnifying mirror, yet, I needed to do it again. Don't even ask about the nose hairs I noticed as well... is this some voodoo curse? Some last gift mother nature has bestowed upon me?

In update news, foreign guy sent me a picture of rabbits outside of where he is working in Europe, which makes no sense unless you know we've been speaking of rabbits and guinea pigs and how tasty they both are... I thought that was totally cute, but the end of the email seemed kind of dismissive. No idea there. Also talked with the funny guy who looks like Ryan Reynods, which I now dare you to google his name. I'd never done it before today, but my match.com (who is hilarious) totally did and found that Mr. Reynolds' pics are superman buff, scarily so. So, unintended insult there, but he took it well. Coffee guy has become wierder and more rambly in his email and intentionally or unintentionally insulting... may or may not write him back. Oh, and in the meantime douche who called me a hypocrite wrote again and pretty much was jerky and insulting again - seriously, no surprise he's got no dates. I'll probably block him here pretty soon...

Day 2 - the day after yesterday.

I am popular, or at least have made a good photo choice, since I have over 200 'looks' and about 12 pages of dudes who are out shopping for everything from a 'lady' as Emily put it, to true love, to that booty call. Seriously, if you say you're not into a booty call and want something serious, you just wrote that for someone else's benefit.

Also, btw, I think the word 'Lady' as some like, or possibly the more diminutive 'lady' should always be pronounced in one of two voices: Leon Phelps and his Scantuary or Kenny Rogers from his song.

So, as of early this afternoon, I have been winked at more than 5 times today, been written to by three guys. One was an instant no, being chubby and from Boston. Totally not into chubby guys (generally not too built guys either), and I hate hate hate everything from Boston except the clam chowda.

My first (of the three emails): comes from some random dude in some town I've never heard of. Well, I've heard of it, but only in passing as the local nightly news starts. He says something about my looks and how not normal I am, which admittedly I am not. Then he goes on to crack a joke and ha ha ha after it - never a good sign. In surfing his profile, his pictures make him look like someone's dad - which he totally is. I generally don't mind if you have kids, but in addition to laughing at your own lame joke, you look like Frank Black from the old tv show Millenium (sunken face Lance Henriksen and not the lead singer of the Pixies - not that I'd be down with him either). So, no thank you Mr. Henriksen...

Second email was from a guy that winked at me and I winked back. While he's not overly attractive (kind of a chubby Ryan Reynolds), his profile is pretty damn funny and witty. His email was also funny and witty and included references to locals not understanding bad weather. I wrote back and am awaiting the 'generic rejection' that match.com can offer... or not. He did mention he had today off, but maybe he's spending it a more productive format than I am (trying to read 5 chapters for a class I'm not even really taking listening to electronica music on the TV, why do I do this to myself?).

Third email I have yet to respond to. It's a not bad looking gent in a similar state of education to mine (almost done with an advanced degree). His email was long and sweet and ended with asking me to coffee since he assumed we go to the same school (which we do not). He also was cute in that he made certain to preface it as 'only coffee' and not a date or any other form of such. He's also the only one with the cajones to kind of ask about my 'separated' status, not directly, so I'm trying to get work done (unsuccessfully) and write him back telling him this week for coffee is out, but possibly next week. I am pretty uncertain about this since it's been 12+ years for me on the dating scene (even if it's only coffee). Guess I have to psych myself up for this.

Oh, in the time I've been writing, I've gotten another wink, from some random dude in another town I've never been to/heard of. Oh, I also seem to be attracting a lot of blue collar guys who run some kind of auto-based business... why? because I mention about how I'm good at fixing household things? I guess so... where do you start a conversation with that? I guess I'm looking to buy a car sometime soon, maybe I'll keep that in mind when the mechanics continue to write me.

I was also IM'd last night via match.com, primarily because I forgot I had it up and stayed on too long. Had one rather uncomfortable talk with some guy who used my name (once I told him) overly too much... How are you, Sara? What are you doing tomorrow, Sara? Can I come to your house and eat your pets, Sara? Once again, if you remind me of HAL from 2001, I'm not going to be interested. Plus, as Emily and I agreed, if you're over a certain age and never been married, there's likely some kind of 'problem' with you. That guy's overuse of my name, and his photos with his parents screamed 'I live at home and still have my virginity' or something... he also used the word 'lovers' in his profile, which is as bad as 'lady'. The other IM was from an interesting, well-travelled guy, but a few years younger than me. Might turn into something, might not...

So, one chubby Van Wilder, one local student of similar age, and one younger guy who's in grad school but attractive and well-travelled in the current mix. All of my starter emails to other guys have not been returned, and sadly, foriegn dude who is out of the country hasn't written me back (sad face!). I hold hope that he's just busy in his foreign country and not turned off by the more recent pictures I've posted... seriously, I've lost some weight since then!

Additionally, one of my classmates from my school program was listed as a potential top 5 today... I trust match.com very little.